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What better moment than June 2018 to talk about how it feels to be back home one year later? We always talk about before, during and the right after feeling of the au pair program, but never six months or one year later.
It’s as if we disappear after our incredible au pair journey. It’s a shame because the way we feel needs to be explained.
As you know, it was my second time as an au pair and I can tell you that the way I feel is totally different and is mainly because I hacked my brain one month before I left Australia to get ready for my return (I’ve explained everything in this article).
First of all, I want you to know that even if I feel great, I always have this feeling of missing something and unlike the other time I understand now that it has nothing to do with the fact that I need to go back abroad, but more about me trying to know and love myself. I also understand that during the entire time I was traveling abroad because I wanted to escape from reality and yet every time, I always had this need to come back home. Sound familiar?
I don’t know about you but for a long time I thought I was a psycho. Never happy with what I had, always wanting something more and then when I had it, I wasn’t happy and felt so lost.
And you know what? It’s okay, I finally accepted it ’cause now I know who I am and everyday I’m trying to be closer to the best version of myself. I’ve decided to follow my intuition and my intuition told me that in order to know who I was, I needed to find happiness and settle down for a while in my own country cause honestly, if I was really happy abroad why would I come back?
So here I was in May 2017 wanting it all… A great job, an apartment in or close to Paris, lose more weight, finish writing my novel, evolve with Au Pairs Chronicles community and why not find Mr right…
1) The job
I didn’t want any job, I wanted a job where I could be inspired with a convenient salary, where I could learn things and also have this family oriented spirit and finally a job that could still let me work on Au Pairs Chronicles when I got home. Anyway, many people told me that I was dreaming and you know what? I didn’t listen to them, I told myself that those people were just projecting their fear on me. I’m a fighter and even if it’s going to be hard, I’ll find the job that I want. I worked on my resume, also on my confidence because after all I was straight outta Australia Ah Ah. I told myself everyday that I could have any job I wanted and this was with this state of mind that I had more than 30 job interviews in a few weeks. I declined most of them, waiting and knowing exactly what I wanted.…2 months later, I found it and in January they officially hired me.
For some unknown reasons, I was always scared to live and work in Paris. You know deep down we all have stupid fears and I think that the goal in life is to face them. Since I couldn’t find an apartment as long as I didn’t have a permanent contract (yes, France and their stupid rules), I was living between my parents and my brother’s place which meant Paris during the week and my childhood place during the weekend. To be honest, turning 30 and not having a proper place was frustrating from time to time. I did my I-m-going-back-abroad crisis at least once a month but never gave up! Finally, after a looooooong time I’ve found the place of my dreams.
Like I said, of course, there were a few times where I just wanted to go back and I still do but the thing is unlike the first time, I know now why I’m here. I’n not living in my mind anymore and comparing my life in the USA to the one in France. I’m living in reality. Two months ago, I even saw an au pair friend after two years and I was amazed to see how she turned the page of her au pair adventure to being married with a child! When we talked about the au pair time she was excited but I could tell that all of this was behind her and that night I remember staying two hours in my car wondering…Why can’t I just be like that? Why can’t I just settle down like most of my friends, why do I want more in life? And then, I remembered again why I came here, I also remembered that no matter which decision I’ll make I will always follow my intuition.
So if I could give you a piece of advice it would be to ask yourself the right questions and be completely honest. Don’t be scared to go back in another country if you’re not ready to go back home and don’t be scared to stay at home for a little while even if it hurts.
My biggest fear when I came back was the thought of gaining weight all over again but I didn’t. I planned everything for the first month before I left Australia, then I tried to listen to myself, my desires and needs. My goal was not frustrating and it worked. I’m really proud of that 🙂
5) Mr right?
Didn’t find it yet and you know why? Cause it’s not my priority. I know we are in a generation where a lot of people want and need to find someone just to fill a void or feel less lonely. Well, I’ve decided to choose me and give myself all the attention I need before finding this special person. I know he’s somewhere anyway…doing the same thing AH!AH!
The key to everything is to listen to yourself, to your compass. It will guide you. You need to be more conscious of how you feel and why you feel that way. I recommend you to stay at least 6 months in your country to figure out exactly what you want and not leave straight away ’cause it will help you figure out if you are depressed. If you miss your life in the USA, you may feel depressed just because of the return shock and time will heal or it may inspire you to leave for new adventures. I strongly believe that time is the best answer to our questions when we return. We are all different and some of us just want different things even if we were all au pairs so it’s great to have some advice now and there but don’t forget to listen to yourself, remember that people will always project their fears and desires on others. When you’ll be old in your chair all you’ll have for yourself will be memories and regrets so make sure you have good ones 🙂
Please talk to me about experience and what are you planning to do back home or what choice did you make if you are a former au pair.
Founder of “Au Pairs Chronicles” and author of the novel “#AUPAIRCHRONICLES”, my main goal is to help and motivate people, including au pairs to live their dream. My favorite quote is ” Be somebody nobody thought you could be.”